By a more than III to I vote the Cave City Clean Air & Water Act became law today. The Act makes it illegal for anyone to relieve themselves within The Cave City Limits. This covers both number one, and number two types. From this day forth all will have to be out side the city limits when doing this or face a fine of five saber tooth tiger hides or something of the same value.
    While employers made a strong case angst the new law, they failed to win over enough votes to defeat it. Their claim that allowing workers to walk outside the city limits every time they have to go would bring down productivity, did not sway those who say they can no longer stand the foul air, and yellow water.

    It's Official, the new rock pile at the center of Cave City is the tallest known man made structure on record. After days of climbing the rock pile at Rock City, and the rock pile at Cave City, two officials one from each city, have come to agreement that the pile at Cave City is taller by at least three boulders.
    As you may remember, the rock pile at Rock City had held the tallest structure record, until Cave City made the bold move of adding more stones to its rock pile.
    Rock City dwellers have vowed they will reclaim the record as soon as they can find a few strong men who have nothing better to do than pack more rocks up to the top of their pile. At the same time an undisclosed source in Cave City said they already have men lined up to top whatever the Rock City dwellers do.
    Officials of both cities say there is a great need for some way to tell the height of the rock piles without having to climb them, and count the rocks. To bad measurements have not been invented yet, but that is still far in the future!

    Researchers at Rock City University (R.C.U.) say man seems to be losing his covering of body hair. This has lead to great concern, as winters seem to be getting colder due to global cooling. Professor Hagg, and his team of researchers say that within the next three generations, man will have hair only on his head, underarms, and in his groin area.
    They fear this may cause the skin to freeze, and die. Hagg says the cause might be that man is spending more time in his caves, and using fire more, and more to keep warm. Also, there is some evidence that the wearing of animal hides may be rubbing off the hair on the arms, legs, and most of the trunk of the body,
    Hagg says. If we are not careful, we may see a day when all mankind will be as hairless at adult age as he is at birth. Hagg said this could be the start of a new age in the history of man, the age of clothing.

    Cave City Home Guard Commander fears lower levels in the river may bring war with the Hodo tribe. General Mugg says the Hodos have long threaten to make war with us, but have never been able to get across the river to make good on their threat, but now with the river at an all time low there is fear that it may recede enough for them to crossover.
    "If they do", says Mugg, "They will find themselves up angst a formidable force. We are now at a high degree of readiness, with more man power than ever before, and new weapons, most of them still classified, so I cannot really tell you just what they are, but take my word for it, if they want war with us, we are prepared to give them all they want, and more."
    Mean while His High Holiness, KooCoo, High Priest of our tribe, (The Cando), says he shall pray to the Sun, and Moon Gods for rain to come, and keep the peace. KooCoo says "Man should not fight man, we are better than that." KooCoo believes that if we could find a way to send food, and other needed goods across the river to the Hodo Tribe, they would see that there is no need for them to make war with us.
    "I see a day when all men will live in peace, and work together toward the good of all mankind" KooCoo stated.
    One must remember however, that KooCoo's track record is not the best when it comes to foreseeing the future. He predicted that the Mountain of fire would never cause a problem for Cave City, yet when it shot fire, and rock into the sky sometime back it did a lot of damage to the side of the city nearest it, and the whole city was covered with that dark gray dust.
    He also said there was no need to worry about that bright light that appeared in the night sky, he said it was a message from the Moon Gods. Just in case you have forgotten about that, take a walk over to where Flat City use to be. There is now nothing but a huge hole in the ground, and a sign that says ( The Gods Must Have Really Been Mad At Flat City ).
    As for this reporter, I am glad to hear that General Mugg, and the Home Guard are at the ready!
    This just to remind you that for just 1+1 days every Moon cycle, and a short period of time every summer, you too, can be a part of the Home Guard, and earn the thanks, and respect of your fellow Tribesmen. {Sleep well, your Home Guard is standing watch}.

   The newly formed Fire Starters Union #1 announced it will place its first union hall here in Cave City. Union President, Scorch, says the organization ( The Brotherhood of Fire Starters) members voted unanimously to locate in Cave City. "While other places were considered," he said, " it was the fact that Cave City was the only one with a full time fire fighting force that won out in the end, because if you are going to start a fire, you had better have a way to put it out if you need to."
    Scorch said that there will be openings for those interested in the union's  apprenticeship program. This is a three step program, Apprentice I, Apprentice II, and Journeyman fire starter.
    Until we find a suitable cave for the hall, we will be operating out of the sub cave level of Meck's Bar at the corner of Stone av. and Rock Pile Drive, Scorch told this Cave City News reporter.

   Rock City Police say that a long time Rock City dweller was found dead in his cave, it would seem his death was due to self inflected club wounds.
    Police Lt. Thor says "we got a tip from neighbors, that said they thought something must be wrong, as they had not seen the man for sometime, and there was a foul odor coming from the cave."  "When my men arrived at the site, they found the man, who's name has not been released yet, pending  notification of next of kin, inside the cave with a large club in his hand, and a note that read ( I don't want to live without my woman ). "
    Thor, said the neighbors told Police that the man's woman had left him many times in the past, but that she had always come back to him sooner or later. They said that as far as they knew, the man did not know how to write, but that his woman did. They think she may have done him in, and taken all his belongings.
    Thor would not say weather there seemed to be anything missing or not. He told Cave City News reporters covering the case, " We are still investigating those claims, and you know we cannot talk about an ongoing investigation". "We are looking for the woman, and may have more for you if, and when we find her, and ask her a few questions".